Low Commotion

C is for Cunt

2006-05-31T15:00:00.000-07:00

I'm bored... not bored like I have nothing to do bored... bored like I have too much stuff I could do and it's all too much for me so I respond by doing nothing, just thinking over all the possibilities. I have finished university forever you see, happened last Friday, but all my friends are disappearing off home now as I try to find things to do. So to relieve this boredom I MSNed Rhys with regards the meme that appeared on his blog and asked him to meme me... he said 'k'... so I started to think of things to begin with K... then he said 'your letter is C for cunt'... the K was actually just an abbreviation for OK. So I need to think of things that begin with C as by first step in finding something to do... baby steps, but here goes...

Carlisle United. To be honest it was always going to be the first C in my head, my love for said local lower league (upper echelons of the lower leagues now I'll have you know) team is what earned me the nickname of 'Carlisle Twat'... or CT for Carlisle for short. I think we're officially the most exciting team to support in the universe, being that we haven't finished mid-table in any league since 1989, in the last 10 years we've been promoted 4 times and relegated 3 times. Now that's form.

Colourful. Why do I say this next? It doesn't allude to any aspects of my character, it alludes more to the t-shirt which I bought yesterday and is now hanging over the chair to my right. It's quite a fashion conscious shirt, and it damn well should be for £30, but it was money I won in a bet so it's OK to be frivoulous with it. And the t-shirt looks damn good on me with the jacket and trousers I also bought. This is all part of an attempt to make me more stylish by my fashion designer friend, and this is the first time I've been clothes shopping without her since she took up this noble challenge... I think she did a good job.

Cheese and Crackers. both Cs and both go together perfectly, along with Christmas, another C and white grapes. Lidl, the foreign cheap as hell supermarket had a post christmas cracker sale, and I filled my boots so to speak... I think I'm getting addicted.

Cauliflower. this on the other hand I don't like and probably never will.

Cuntibollocks. the Ten-pin Bowling Club phonetic alphabet for C.

Charlie. NATO's rather lame attempt to outdo us.

Computer. I'm sat at one as we speak... I narrowly avoided becoming a computer geek though. As a child I was bought a computer (Amstrad CPC 6128) for something like my 6th birthday. I loved it, I still have it, I wanted to be a computer programmer. I then tried to programme and realised it bored the shit out of me... a close shave if ever there was one.

Chair. I'm sat in one as we speak... rather a nice 23rd birthday present swivel chair too. But as a child I had no aspirations to the world of upholstery.

Civic Design. My (former) department at university, Still hasn't dawned on me it's all over.

Comedy A great love of mine, I recently rediscovered the Rawhide comedy club in Liverpool, it used to appear in the Guild of Students way back when

Cillit Bang Need I say more?

It might as well be Winter

2006-03-12T04:05:00.000-08:00

You know those days when you wake up and your face is cold, your nose feels numb. You are lying in your double bed, on a warm strip that your body has warmed; if you move your arms or legs to either side you feel the rest of your bed is chilly cold. The last thing you want to do is get out of bed... you feel a bit vulnerable in the moring when you are tired, and you don't want to step out into the freezing air of your bedroom. You assume the boiler must have packed in during the night, and shivering you walk over to it, and put your hand on it... warm. You quickly take your t-shirt off it and put it on, it feels nice and warm for oooh say, 10 seconds. You go over to the window thinking it must be cold outside, as you open the curtains you see lots of condensation on the inside of the window; that's usually a good sign it's cold out... so is what you see behind the condensation.
IT'S FUCKING SNOWING AGAIN.
Problem solved, it might as well be winter.

The House

2006-03-03T16:28:00.000-08:00

Rhys (can't be arsed to link to him yet, his old blog is on my blogroll and you can get from that to his new blog, sorry Rhys) mentioned in a post on his blog about me being happy that I was friends with his and his housemates due to troubled times in my own house... of course I fully expect thousands of people now to swarm over here to see what that's all about. Sorry if you can't see this because my bandwidth limit has been exceeded, I will write a request to blogspot/Google to have my bandwidth increased in these times of extra special need. Well anyway, it would be too controversial for me to say anything other that things in my hosue are politically sensetive... and leave it at that. Actually, that's what good bloggers shuld do, build up the suspense. :)

I haven't died

2006-01-29T04:17:00.000-08:00

I will rise again*

*kind of difficult seeing as how I haven't died

The Cusp

2005-11-23T16:00:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been asked if you can recall exactly what you were doing at a certain moment in time?

Well thanks to this blog I will remember exactly what I was doing the second I turned 23. The reason, I have turned 23 while writing this very blog entry.

I just thought it was pretty cool that I could do that, I have nothing else to say. Except that in less than a year from now I will be in my mid-twenties. Those two words make me shudder.

Except for that I have solved the mystery of the Edge Hill road signs. but more on that some other time.

Seeya

Smile Like You Mean It!

2005-11-21T05:18:00.000-08:00

I'm far too emotionally fragile for my friends to take the piss out of my complete lack of desirability to the opposite sex. but...

'Anyway, from what I can see your not going to be joining the coupled camp soon anyway!'

'Bit harsh! True....but harsh! '

I've been feeling extra specially lonely this last week.

Of course if anyone notices I'm looking a little down and asks what's wrong, I smile and say 'Nothing, I'm fine'.

ARRRGH!

Help the Homeless

2005-11-16T11:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, while walking home through Uni, I was approached by a homeless guy who asked if I could spare any money for a cup of tea. There is nothing unusual about this, there are homeless people everywhere, I get asked at least once a day. The different thing was that I gave him 50p. Then I started to think about what I had done.

Usually I only give money to the homeless when I am in a good mood and I want to improve someone elses day. Sure, most homeless people don't exactly jump up to shake the hand of anyone who gives them money; but would you if you relied on at least fifteen people a day taking pity on you so you had something to eat or somewhere warm to sleep? I still used to feel good inside if I'd helped someone else. But nowadays we get people constantly pointing out to us how many young people wind up on the streets through that spiral of decline that is drug addiction. Whenever you are with friends and you give a homeless guy some change one of them is bound to comment that he'll probably only spend it on crack or heroin.

So nowadays whenever I give money to the homeless, instead of it making my conscience lighter I stop to think, What if he just spends it on drugs? Am I actually being really irresponsible in giving him money. I could be contributing to that guy's own personal downfall and lining the pockets of drug dealers.

I'm thinking that next time I would give money to a homeless guy, I'll buy him a sandwich or a cup of tea instead.

Happy September the 11th

2005-09-11T14:42:00.000-07:00

It's half ten in the evening, I've been watching telly or on the internet most of the day, and I've only just realised it's September the 11th...

How times change.

I go back to uni in a week, on the same date as in first year when my whole Uni life began that fateful week in 2001.

Back then I was optimistic about meeting new people and maybe a girl, and generally a very happy person. I did however in the back of my head know I wouldn't have much luck on the girl front.

After that crazy first year, meeting loads of people, failing my studies and partying came two fairly uniteresting years, towards the end of which I started this blog. A year ago, I came close to getting a girlfriend on a few occasions over 6 months. With the year that followed came a new house, crazy magical times and full of meeting people just like my first year, and was absolutely barren on the girl front.

Now I'm optimistic at what will be my final year, and how I have to make the most of it, make it like the first again. I met a girl at work (I did eventually get some, with a local council) during summer but didn't ask her out as I didn't want to hear her say she wasn't interested. So I go back thinking there may just be a girl who was once interested in me, and there may be more.
But in the back of my head I think i won't have much luck on the girl front.

Some things never change.

Friends

2005-07-20T14:50:00.000-07:00

What is it with my friends anyway. I mean we've all known each other for over a decade now, the 5 of us that constitute 'us'. But sometimes I still feel liike I haven't been fully accepted. As much as they do with me, they still go off and do things without me. I'll meet them in the pub and ask what everyone's been up to and they'll say they all went out for a curry or something, when I was sat at home pondering things and generally wishing I had more things to do. I never want to ask the obvious question that would follow that, (Why wasn't I invited) because I'm scared I won't like the answer, they might never have even considered me one of their friends enough to ask to every little social event and I'd be crushed. I've always been paranoid that no-one likes me, that no-one considers me a proper friend, or that people only tolerate me; but those feelings originated here. I went to Liverpool hoping to reinvent myself, and I did, I discovered a personality I never knew I had. But some lingering paranoia has even carried over to Liverpool that I have to shake off every now and again. I hate it when I feel that I have better friends in Liverpool, even though I think I may be right in that. I hate it because I then feel incredibly guilty about abandoning my friends here, I mean we've been together for a decade, we know all about each other. The only thing we are still reserved and private about is talking about our lovelives, which may be some of the problem, maybe it's only when I'm around that they're reserved. I constantly just hope that this is paranoia, or that there is still some way I can change myself to make people more tolerant of me.

That's enough of that, I'm surprised I managed to articulate myself like that though. I normally have to be lying in bed in a state of insomnia before I can understand my emotions. I haven't blogged in a long time and a lot has happened. I found a placement! I started on Monday, I'll work for the council, and today they said they want me there for the rest of the summer and will pay me something... Also the talent in the office is seriously impressive.

Maybe blog again soon.

EDIT: Feeling paranoid again. A couple of weeks ago me and a couple of mates were discussing that we had to go fishing, just for something different, I've never done it before. I don't have a rod but one of my mates has a spare he said I could lend, so it seemed like we would go ahead and do it. Today we were taking about going and he asked if I had a rod, I said do but didn't he have a spare, he said he did but someone else would need it, another one of our mates who wanted to come along, I felt like asking why not me, but again I didn't want to know the answer. I know it sounds stupid, whining about fishing which I don't even know anything about, but to my paranoid mind, it seems like further proof that no-one really likes me. I kind of hope that people will say it's all in my mind, I'm just making it up. but I don't know. I'm sorry I know it's really hard to read all this. The truth is I'm not very good at writing so anyway. I'm off to bed now, seeya.

The Eternal Monotony of being Me

2005-06-14T11:36:00.000-07:00

Summer's been boring, if you could call it summer with the weather we've been having.

I'm looking for a 14 day unpaid placement that I have to do over the summer as part of my course, we have to organise this ourselves. You'd think it would be pretty easy to find one, but no. I've tried 9 private practices, 2 urban regeneration companies and 4 councils. Th answer in each case, where there's even been an answer has been NO. I'm getting stressed, fed up and anti-motivated. I e-mailed the module co-ordinator at Uni but have had no reply.

My Mum is childminder and the one thing I don't like when I come back to live at home is all those little cretins running around the house screaming and shitting all over the place; it wakes me up in the morning too as my bedroom is right next to the kitchen which doubles as a creche and also the phone so I get to listen to my Mum have the same conversation with 10 different people, currently it's about my inability to find a placement.

And my brother is going through a second teenage whereby he shuts himself in his room most of the day, on the phone or internet, or just being moody and antisocial.

I'm sick of it all.

I Think I'll Blog

2005-05-20T12:43:00.000-07:00

Because I'm bored, this is what it's come to, I blog when I'm bored.

So there's nothing to do at the moment, none of my mates are about, so much for end of exams constant social. Roll on the weekend.
I went to see Star Wars III today, it was fantastic, everything that I and II weren't. I'll stop now lest I begin to sound geekish. If you want to spot a true geek look for someone with a Darth Vader poster, that means they've been to see it 5 times. after 2 times you get Yoda and I won't even be doing that. Still think George Lucas is shit at naming things, 'Count Dooku' reminds me of a certain early 90s cartoon programme.

I'm being given far too much time to reflect these days, I was considering reconsidering my decision over Jessica, as Kev suggested in my comments but I don't think I can. I still get very easily put off at the slightest sign whenever a girl might not be interested, I can't motivate myself otherwise. I'll add lessons learned to the lessons I learned with the other girls over the last couple of years, maybe the time I get it right isn't too far off now.
Or maybe it is, it just seems to wierd to ever happen, the idea of me having a girlfriend. I can't quite put my finger on what it is that I'm lacking, on what 'boyfriend material' is exactly, some sort of je nai sais quoi, and I don't have it, it's infuriating. Does anyone else empathise with this feeling that they don't have something they can't put their finger on?

If I don't go to The Guild today I think I may lose the ability to use exam papers to get free drinks, I can't get through to Mushrooms, I said I'd meet him after his exam, he's obviously having too much fun.

You know when you have things you could do, solitary activities like computer games, music playing, personal projects and the like? I have loads I could easily do something but I don't want to do solitary things at the moment, story of my life that. I could work out but have just recently eaten, that happens quite often too.

I'll stop blogging before it takes over my evening and return to looking for something to do.

Smalltalk

2005-05-06T07:53:00.000-07:00

No-one ever asks me how I'm doing. Am I that boring?

I can see how people probably see me as dreary and antisocial, not wanting to talk, but in reality I do. I just have difficulty expressing myself; making conversation a struggle.

Even when there is nothing bothering me there are still often things on my mind that I would like to talk about. But no-one's interested to hear them so I don't talk about them.

I've now forgotten most of what is on my mind. In the sense that it's still there as a niggling thought but I can't remember what it is so I can't get if off my mind.

I think now that if anyone did take an interest in my life I would either struggle to remember what it was or I'd launch into two year worth of life story.

So all hope is lost.

2005-05-02T15:52:00.000-07:00

Nobody seems to be reading my blog anymore...

Since I'm talking to myself, and I've been copying all my favourite songs to MP3 I'm better placed than ever before to actually list my 10 favourite tunes.
Here we go...

~~In No Particular Order~~ Ok I ordered them.

1 - Oxygen - JJ72
2 - '74-'75 - The Connells
3 - The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite - R.E.M.
4 - Gravity - Embrace
5 - The Circle - Ocean Colour Scene
6 - Mid Life Krysis - Travis
7 - Bulimic Beats - Catatonia
8 - Mis-Shapes - Pulp
9 - Same Size Feet - Stereophonics
10 - The Everlasting - Manic Street Preachers

From the bottom of my pencil case

2005-04-30T05:31:00.000-07:00

Me and Kev (Follow the Hat) have something in common. We've both asked out girls called Jessica, and they've both said no.

I've had a thing for her for six months since I met her on a department social we got on really well, she gave me her number a week later at the next social. I didn't ring it.
I guess I'm still learning, if I'd noticed the signs she was giving me to begin with I might have done more earlier on, but I was still unsure.
I've been told by people that if a girl gives you her number it means she wants you to ring her. There were other signs as well, which I did notice, such as biting her bottom lip, giving me her total undivided attention, playing with her hair and laughing at everything I said when most other people never find me witty in the slightest; but I couldn't quite believe that all this was true, I told myself that she was just accidentaly doing these things; and despite becoming better friends over this time, didn't pursue her.

Well recently mates and the like have been saying to me more and more that she seems keen and why hadn't I asked her out? Pete and Sazzle in particular have recently been encouraging me to ask her out. I think I left it too long though, I'd become terrified of the prospect of asking her out. It seemed that I valued the fact that she seemed to like me too much to risk it on actually asking her out, which is understanbale if 'seems to like you' is the closest to a relationship you've ever been. I kept telling myself the opportunity wasn't right, even when sometimes it was. There's a good chance also that if she ever did like me it has wore off.

So last night, on Pete's advice I texted her asking if she wanted to meet up for coffee any time she was free this weekend, this after a week of what I referred to as 'non-opportunities' but mates like Ste, Neal and Dom from my department called 'wasted opportunities'.
She texted back saying she was busy this weekend and, basically 'no'. I've been told that if a girl really likes you then she'll move heaven and earth to get to be with you.

I've learned things about women though, I'll definitely be more receptive to the signs of attraction if I ever see them again, and if a girl gives me her number I WILL ring her. This is also the first time I've been able to be rejected without any animosity, mistakes that I made in the past have been learned. For example, with Rachael it all went tits up, a whole episode of my life I wish never happened. With Elaine I don't know, we just simply drifted apart, but then that was me doing the rejecting. With Charlotte I gave her too much attention and scared her off, things then went a bit wierd when she overreacted and said I was freaking her out, accused me of stalking her (when I was 300 miles away) and asked if I could never contact her again. With Jessica nothing like that has gone wrong, we will probably remain friends, probably become better friends (besides I can't cut her off she still has a book belonging to me).
These things have all happened in just over a year, and it's amazing and all happening really fast. Before then I thought of girls as little more than friends just the same as any guy, eye candy and a pipe dream and didn't seriously think I'd ever find one attracted to me or get into a relationship.

So for the time being I'll get over Jessica and wind up feeling more liberated and confident and maybe meet another girl and not make the mistakes I made with Jessica... then who knows.

Yours in optimism
Carlisle.

Less Stressed but for how long.

2005-04-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling slightly less stressed at the moment, could it be the nice weather, the fact that work is actually getting done or something else, I don't know, I don't much care, I'm enjoying it while it lasts.
I haven't blogged in ages cos I've been busy with work, it's like even when I'm not working I'm distracted from doing other things by the work.
It's mainly Urban Design, with some Urban Regeneration as well. In addition I should really think about sorting out my summer placement and revising for exams in Rural Planning and Planning Theory.
Planning Theory is one of those filler modules that is just a lot of bullshit and little content. You can tell this as it has theory in the title.

Most planning theory is dull, some parts of it though as just impossible, as a point in case I give you an extract from page 39 of Philip Allmendinger's excitingly named 'Planning Theory'.

'For example, New Right planning theory is constructed from philosophical understandings of closed systems, positivist outlooks concerning naturalism, a Lockean conception of the human mind as a devoid of a priori structuring, rational choice theory concerning the maximisation of individual utility and an understanding of humans as individuals who create society through aggregate actions.'

This does my stress gland no good whatsoever.

I think I'll skip that bit and go on to Marxism and Critical Theory.

Shit Happens My Arse!

2005-04-08T04:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Sod,

I'm writing this letter to request your law be repealed.
In particular, the section I take issue with is s5: 'The pobability of something happening is inversely proportional to its desirability'.

I, like many other innocent people have fallen foul of your law for the last time; frankly we are fed up.
I spent half an hour last night writing a blog entry, it was a humerous and interesting piece of writing which I'm sure you would like to have read. I was on my laptop which doesn't have w.bloggar so I was typing it straight into internet explorer. Usually in this situation I copy the work to clip board before publishing; this time, for some reason I didn't. Trust your law to ensure that when I published it I got a 'This page cannot be displayed' thus annihilating all my work.

I am aware that the law has it's purposes, such as keeping us on our toes and ensuring Charles and Camilla's wedding will be snowed off in the middle of April. I am however concerned that it seems to catch out innocents such as myself rather than those who could do with a bit of bad luck.

Therefore I am sure that you will give my request due consideration.

Yours.
The Sod's Law Association for Persecuted Persons Endorsing Repealing Section5 (SLAPPERS)

Curry In Curry Out

2005-04-01T09:43:00.000-08:00

Beware of fluorescent curries.
If only I'd known that last night, I'm not one to name and shame but there is a fairly new takeaway in Whitehaven (for anyone local to the town it's the one with it's address on the menus as 'White Heaven') that made me violently ill! It's a miracle I'm here to blog at all, I feared I was going to succumb to something.

Of all the stereotypical things you'd associate with Whitehaven and glowing in the dark (we have a nuclear power plant) a Chicken Korma was not supposed to be one of them. Fair enough I'd drank rather a lot of beer, but no more than I know I can handle. The upshot is that this morning the curry re-emerged, the same way it went in, looked the same too, still just as luminous. Was horrible, basically just eating in reverse, you haven't lived till you've had a piece of curried chicken come out your nose.

You have to hand it to my stomach though, it somehow managed to keep any of the vile stuff from progressing any further; I can picture it like a burly doorman keeping out all the shit I put in it.

Curry:- waaay *burp* haaaay come on let us through
Stomach:- Fuck off, look at the state of you, the bread and rice can come through but you're not going anywhere. He's asleep now, so you'll have to stay here but first thing tomorrow morning you're out.

And it kept its word, didn't even to bother digesting it, hence it was indentical to what it was when it went in.

One question though... Why did I eat it?
I guess some things we'll just never know.

Back at Brunton Park

2005-03-29T23:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to see Carlisle United for the first time this holiday; it was also the first time I'd been to Carlisle since the floods. Though our ground has since been drained and brought back into action the rest of the area around it hasn't. Where ususally houses on Warwick Road would be full of people watching the matchday crowds going past, flogging badges, scarves, opposition fans and the like; they were all empty, windolene on the windows and signs that advertised the company that was drying and cleaning them all (one company was doing a roaring trade) or simply the fact that there was nothing worth burgling inside. The club shop was also reduced to a portacabin, we went into the ground.
I've missed going to the home games, I did get to one away game in the cup that was near Liverpool, we seem to be doing better now we're back at Brunton Park, we won this one 1-0.

I've decided to stop now as I can't see why any of you would be interested in any of this.

I'll keep an eye open for anything, anything at all that would maybe make a good blog entry, it's been a few months since I did one of those and I'm fed up of it all.

Yours
CT

Electric vs Gas

2005-03-29T14:46:00.000-08:00

Electric cookers are dangerous and here's why...

They make you less used to gas cookers, we have an electric in Liverpool so I get used to it you turn it on, in heats up. Back here we have a gas cooker, and what happens is I turn on the gas and then think, like an electric cooker that it's gonna heat up, a minute or so later I start to smell gas and think shit. This is what just heppened when I put crumpets under the grill.

I pushed the ignition and flames shot up the side of the cooker; and very nearly burnt my crumpets, so there you are.

That and electic cookers are just shit.

This propoganda leaflet has been sponsored by the British Pro Gas Cooker till the fossil fuels run out campaign.

Gotta go now before they really do burn.

Blogs and Sods

2005-03-26T12:56:00.000-08:00

I've had a long break from blogging... again. I'm so inconsistent these days, I don't have the passion for keeping people updated on my comings and goings (mostly goings if I'm honest) that I did when I started my blog. If I went into detail about how I feel, the blog would become somewhat melancholic (OK it IS somewhat melancholic, but I would like for that to stop). So apart from rambling aimlessly about how stressed I am I'll try to give more in the way of anecdotes (my writing has also become more obtuse, with me using more and more complex words and turns of phrase... there you go 'obtuse'! that illustrates my point exactly) Since I've done very little this week worthy of a whole, funny, blog entry I'll give a blow by blow account of my week.

On St Patricks day I failed to break my Guinness drinking record, I did set a Guinness downing benchmark of 14 seconds, but that's only because none of us have ever timed it before. I ran out of money but found that pints of Guinness still kept on appearing in my hands, as if by magic I was never without drink. I later threw up and walked home.

On the following Saturday, yet again more Guinness, as Wales and Ireland were duking it out for the six nations championship, us English and Scottish were taking advantage of the local Scream bar's free drinks promotion, whereby we had managed to acquire many many free drinks vouchers. For a while we tried to pick our bar staff carefully each time we went back to the bar to get yet another free pint, then we dicovered they didn't care. I later went to the pictures and got the bus home.

On Sunday I came back up to Whitehaven (for the third time this month, I should really have blogged about the field trip). This wasn't before spending the best part of an hour wandering round Ikea looking for a stool called Traktor, I was hopelessly lost for most of it, and seriously considered setting up camp for the night under a desk called Carlos and a worktop called Barry or something like that. I also bought some cactus, I also managed to spend less than a tenner in impulse buying (Ikea's great for that) on a set of blinds, six cacti and pots, a picture frame and a bottle opener. What's more Traktor when I eventually found it (right back on Aisle 1) was half price :)

Whilst in Whitehaven I have been out with mates (the less said about he bowling trip the better) unlike most groups of mates from school who lose touch and dwindle away when they leave, we seem to keep getting reinforced. This is in part due to one of my mates having graduated so now, with teh rest of us away at Uni, he spends his time looking for new people to socialise with, or rather finding old people who we had lost touch with and re-integrating them. Thus a few of us had a night out oon the town. We did the usual custom of spending £5 to get into the town's main nightclub only to spend the night in the pub section at the back sat at a table drinking ourselves into oblivion. I later had a curry and walked home.

Tomorrow I go down to my grandmother's in Doncaster, I have blogged about doing this before if you can find it. I'll blog about that on Monday, touch wood.

PS. You may notice I have reverted to my old template, I like it better, more classic. just a simple colour scheme that does the business. Alas blogrolling isn't working for me, mainly because I'm not as computer savvy as I had believed.

Yours in the fellowship of blogging

Carlisle.

The End of Modernism

2005-03-13T06:11:00.000-08:00

Today an event occured which marked the end of modernism in Liverpool. The last of the Sheil Park tower blocks was dynamited at 12:15pm. Being only round the corner from where I live I went along to watch, and a search of the internet reveals that nobody has reported on it yet, so I'll be the first.

There used to be three tower blocks at Sheil Park, basically huge edifices which acted as filing cabinets for poor people. This was the moden movement, marked by a belief in rationalism, a dependence on theory as opposed to consulting the public and the international style, which was dreamed up by the architect Le Corbusier (Le Cor to his mates). When they went up they were believed to be a utopia, away from the overcrowding and the pollution of the slums, but they turned out to be something of a dystopia, a breeding ground for crime, and neglect. People had been turfed out of close knit terraced communities in the belief that the slum conditions were somehow the buildings' faults and put into these towers which turned out to be worse than the slums they had came from.

Well now things have gone full circle, the tower blocks around Liverpool are being demolished and replaced with low density, low rise housing. The rest of Shiel Park is already taken up by such housing. I bumped into a resident yesterday as I wandered around the last tower (Limosa Tower) to find out what time it was coming down at. He was concerned at the proximity of his house to the demolition and said he'd been told he had to be out of it by 9:30 this morning. This marks Liverpool's own end of modernism. To find out about the end of modernism look up Pruitt-Igoe on wikipedia, a tower block estate which came down in 1971 which drew remarks on the end of Modernism, when it went up in the 50s it actually won a prize for architecture!

And in other news I'll make a more informal blog entry later :)

Thinkbuggy

2005-02-25T11:05:00.000-08:00

It has come to my attention that I think too much...

I will try to think less.
So I have bottles of Stella Artois.

Necessarily Deluded

2005-02-20T15:50:00.000-08:00

It's been over a week since the outburst. I'm feeling a lot happier now. Things may even be described as OK, but that would be pushing it.

The girl I like is coming back from a trip to some foreign country... OK Sweden this week sometime (not sure exactly when). It's been a fairly relaxing month while she's been gone, I guess because there has been no girl to think about. I have come to the conclusion that life is much easier when you aren't obsessing about some girl (obsessing is a bit of a strong world, but the English language in all it's complacently has neglected to have a milder version of this word, as a matter of fact it quite often fails in that respect whenever emotions are concerned). Unfortunately I can't be like that for long, no sooner has one girl stopped playing on my mind as I accept the fact it was never going to happen than another takes her place.
All I can get is a few weeks when I am at first a litte down and feeling lonely as the girl I have been obsessed with clearly isn't interested. Then there is a short period when I am, in effect 'uncomplicated' if this goes on too long I will feel I have to try and pull on nights out, that never happens a couple of friendly words is the best I can get, so I start to feel inadequate and lonely again. Then I meet a girl who seems like she might just be interested (I have worried in the past that I fall in love with every girl who shows me the slightest bit of attention, but hopefully this isn't the case, at least with this girl I hope). This makes me feel good... for a bit. Then I worry, I'm too insecure and unconfident to just ask her out, so I worry that she will lose interest; if she even is interested, I mean how do I know, I only suspected it. Why would she be interested in me anyway? I have no idea. I have to push these thoughts away, guys meet girls all the time in the real world, so it can happen in my world too, I don't need to worry about why. Yet I become less confident, and from time to time will give it up for lost, then regain my confidence.
This month has been much easier, hopefully when I meet her again it will be fresh, and I can keep my eyes peeled for signals that she may be interested, cos if she is then this is the sort of time when she will show them, when she hasn't seen me for a while.

Or maybe I'm just deluding myself... if I am then I argue it is a neccesary delusion that keeps me sane, the belief I had through all of school and the first two years of Uni, that I would never be loved drove me slightly mad.

Oh well, thanks for reading my last blog, hope this one is more cheery.

Oh yeah and we won the pub quiz tonight, Reefs all round!

Bah Fucking Valentine's Humbug!

2005-02-14T18:52:00.000-08:00

Fucking Valentine's Day! All those fucking couples and their fucking smugness! Look, we found happiness, now everyone else fuck off.
I speak on behalf of all ugly people, those who are not only ugly as sin, but also boring as hell, for we shall never know love, and we don't deserve this.

Tonight's words are a little frank as I am a little drunk (six pints of Guinness is for me, a little), I will try to restrain myself, more so that I don't look at this in the morning and immediately delete it. My life is less than satisfactory. I know people say there is more to life than finding love, bust those people are nearly all in relationships. I have spent my whole life on the outside looking in. For people like me, and you know who you are, relationship and love is something you just have to accept you will never know. This is fair enough, but society rubs it in and tells us that we are nothing if we can't find love; and if we never find a girl, or boy, who is even remotely interested then we should give up, but this is not a pragmatic problem to be solved. Why have we been cursed like this, it simply should not be, we should be able to be happy!

I hate places where all the people are good looking; well not exactly, but you know the places where you somehow HAVE to be good looking, the meat markets. I hate them, I hate all the good looking people, and how just because they are good looking, they are accepted into society, and how just because we are not, people assume all sorts of other things. We are a bit thick supposedly, we are mean, depressing and generally not very interesting. This is not true, society has forced us to be very interesting, because we have no other means to express ourselves. Actually this is a fallacy, all people should express theirselves through personality, but somehow society accepts that the number one way is through looks. Those girls who have thought I was good looking have invariably turned out to be either mistaken or pychos.

At this point I am supposed to exclaim how deep I am, how I am not shallow, but this is unlikely to happen, as I am as shallow and controlled by looks as the next man. My ideal woman is 50% looks and 50% personality, I am part of the problem. I believe this is what most gets to me. I empathise with society and so I am hurt more by its thoughts.

OK, I have run out of steam, I need to go to bed now, I will be happier in a day or so. But I want to remember what I feel tonight, because even though I try to repress them when I am sober, these feelings never go away, I am ashamed to admit it, but they define me. I want to be less shallow, because of course any replies that offer advice will revolve about me being less shallow. This can't happen, I am a product of the beast that torments me. I at least try to accept my ugliness because I know I am really not worthless, why can't everyone else.

By the way, this isn't a personal attack on anyone, all my friends are great and accept me and those like me for who I am... ot who we are. When I do feel better it will be thsoe who helped. I'm just feeling somewhat lonely at the moment.

Happy St Valentine's Day to all those couples who actually deserve to be together.

The Last Rites.

2005-02-13T15:56:00.000-08:00

A few of my thoughts.

Friday Night.

Me Mushrooms and Curtain Guy (in mourning for his curtain) are out on Hardman Street (street in liverpool with some excellent bars). I have recently discovered that Liverpool Beer Festival is next weekend and it's ticket only, and all the tickets are sold out. Since arriving in Liverpool 3.5 years ago I have been to every beer festival since 1st year when I was looking for something a little different to do and saw a poster in the sports centre of all places. I went to that first one alone but had a good time, since then I have been with friends, forged new friendships, tasted a multitude of beers, done some very blogworthy acts and basically got drunk. Last year it was busier that expected and we could only get in to one of the afternoon sessions; not especially great but at least we could say we went.

I'm not happy that I won't be going this year, I've had some bitter and couple of tequlas so far (and a Tequla through Lemon, Lemon, rest of Tequila, rest of Lemon slammer) and on that note we enter the Fly in the Loaf, a traditional, real ale serving pub with a Manx brewery. Here they serve Last Rites, a beer brewed in Sheffield which is always a favourite at the beer festival. I get a pint... ABV 11.5%

It all gets a bit hazy after that... some of my thoughts.

Mega Fish Rake Stains...

The gerbil wants me but unfortunately it works for Scottish Widows ans this is against company policy.

And more I can't remember.

I was sick and we went home...

THE END

The Karma's Super

2005-02-06T08:39:00.000-08:00

I got good Karma back today.

As part of a unique and wonderful collection of people who do random acts of kindness every Friday.. 'join me' I found myself on Friday with a friend, also a joinee and some time to kill. We chose to do a random act of kindness. We went to the sports centre and got a Kit Kat Chunky and a bag of Monster Munch out of the vending machine, and we left them in the bottom for the next person who came along. We were sat there for half an hour before someone actually took them, a member of staff, quite possibly influenced to go to the machine by our increasingly suspicious behaviour. He didn't look happy to recieve our gift but i'm sure that once he got back to the staff room he danced a dance of joy and tucked into his impomptu free feast.
The reason I'm sure he did this is that today the Karma came back and I got a free feast of my own. It's J-man's birthday, and J-man loves McDonalds, there is a McDonalds down the road from us so Me, J-man and Mushrooms went there for a birthday meal. J-man and Mushrooms ordered their meals, and got free cheeseburgers which is a student offer we always take advantage of. I ordered my salad plus meal, which you may mock or think I'm a health freak, but honestly I only get them because they are REALLY nice. I'd been waiting a bit and still no meal, when one of the staff (1 gold star I think) was looking for J-man saying he'd forgitten his meal and handed it to me. Then after more waiting I was told my meal would be taken over to me so I went to sit down with teh others, taking J-man's meal with me. Thing was J-man was already eating, but I had in my hands what was supposedly his meal... AH! they'd accidentally given him two meals; McDonalds do this all the time, they make so much profit and the food is so cheap to them that they couldn't care less about the occasional free meal. Except the free meal also had a free student cheeseburger, and they'd accidentally made it a double cheeseburger instead of a single. I went back to get my meal and was given just a salad, no drink. I said I'd asked for a meal but I could tell they'd only charged me for the salad; so they made me a drink, which would have been a free drink. All in all we got for free, one quarter pounder meal, one double cheeseburger and one Pespi...

In the words of Peter Griffin... 'sweet!'

Apologies for the crap prose style, I really cannot be arsed to put the time and effort into making a genuinely readable account of my good fortune. Expect more of the same though as I have announced my intentions to blog once a week from now on.

May the Karma be with you.

Carlisle

Aging Disgracefully is the way to do it.

2005-02-01T05:30:00.000-08:00

I've been worried about getting old recently.

OK, I hear you say, 22 is hardly methusulan; but my adolescence is certainly well behind me and I haven't done any of the things I think I should have done before the age of 21.

I've never had a job I hated, or done manual labour.
I've not done enough travelling, certainly I've never been anywhere interesting without family or school and we only go on sun, sea, sand holidays. I want to soak up culture, not UV.
I've never been in a band or a sunday league football team.
I've not got many random drunk tales, only the one where I locked myself out of my flat. I really want to get drunk and wake up somewhere random. The closest I came to this was when me and some mates, tried to get from Liverpool to Dublin.
I've never been a political activist.
I've never been in serious trouble with the authorities.
I've never been in a situation where I was truly thankful for the mates I'd got.
I've never randomly spent a ridiculous amount of money, and I imagine, knowing me, I never will.
I've never had a girlfriend, hell I've only ever kissed a girl once and I'd rather that hadn't happened. I've never pulled in a nightclub or even really chatted up or been chatted up.

So you see, I'm not yet used to being early twenties and in less than two years, I'll be mid twenties and it scares me. What will I have made of my life by then? Will I have gotten stuck in a rut, with a job and a rented flat, on my own and going nowhere. I have a lot of my life to live in relatively small period of time.

Carlisle.

Things that frighten the hell out of me. #2

2005-01-13T06:06:00.000-08:00

When you're in the shower and you can feel the hot water starting to run out and you're covered in shower gel and shampoo.

I had that race against time this morning.

Things that frighten the hell out of me...

2005-01-09T16:04:00.000-08:00

#1 - When in a shared house you flush a shit and it doesn't disappear from view till the very last second.

Teeth

2004-12-23T11:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning I had to go to the dentist.

All seemed normal, I went in with my brother and on my way in my brother said 'Are you getting tratment?' to which I replied 'Not to my knowledge'.

So, there I was sitting back in the dentist's chair, feeling relaxed, staring into the cool-light and allowing my eyes to close while the dentist and her assistant stuck all manner of instruments into my mouth. When I opened my eyes, she was removing a larger than usual instrument she had been exploring the back of my mouth with.

Damn!

It was a hypodermic needle. I felt the numbness take over my head, as though my mouth was turned to rubber. it even reached my eyes and inner ears. I'm not a fan of local anasthetic, I'm sure earler fillings I had when I was little were done sans rubbermouth.

Thus, two fillings later I was sat at home, feeling hungry, but not wanting to eat as I wouldn't enjoy it without any feeling in my mouth. I now hate the dentists and will endeavour to take better care of my teeth. My teeth are crap though, all crossbitey and full of fillings, they're chipped aswell, which is one of the drawbacks of having white teeth, they chip really easily.

Anyway, clearly this has just been a blog for the sake of it. I'll keep these to a minimum.

Have a Random Christmas and an Inevitable New Year.

2004-12-20T15:24:00.000-08:00

In an attempt to embrace all things random I have joined Danny Wallace in his quest to get people to Join Him. For those who haven't heard he was Dave Gorman's accomplice in 'Are you Dave Gorman' (A man who I also once tried to emulate, albeit sideburnishly) Well Liverpool University have a join me society, which me and a couple of friends have joined, on a whim, not knowing what to expect.
All Joinees are asked to perform random acts of kindness on Friday's well I was asked to meet in the Students Union and bring something to give out. Nobody told me they were expecting something christmassy so I bought Digestive biscuits. The other joinees had christmas crackers and cards. I tried to give digestives to people at the cafe for their tea or coffee, but was declined.
Not to mind, we have big plans for next year...

I leave you with my random query of the day....

At which point does a new ringbinder become an old ringbinder?

Me and Sheepy have already devoted time to this and know the answer.

Today

2004-12-18T13:00:00.000-08:00

I'm going home for Christmas tomorrow.

There doesn't seem to be anybody in the house. Jman left on Wednesday, Girlfriend left yesterday, Boyfriend left this morning, Sheepy has gone home for the weekend so I won't see him again this year. Mushrooms is about but I can't hear him and haven't seen him today... so I'm all alone.

By the way, this naming people is a new thing for me (at uni anyway, some of you may remember the characters at the office over the summer).

I may go to my local (Wetherspoons in Kensington, Liverpool which will hereby be known as Kennyspoons) where I can see a mate about going to the Morecambe v Carlisle game on Boxing Day. Carlisle won today woo hoo

I had a much more interesting day yesterday, but at least today I managed to get a spacecraft into orbit aroud Mars.

Personality Wanting

2004-12-15T13:27:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling a bit depressed at a thought that entered by head sometime recently and I can't shake off.
I don't really have a personality; yeah I'm annoying but that isn't necessarily character.
No girl will ever be interested in a guy who is lacking in personality. Unless he was good looking, something I'm not; but if I was I'd end up worried that girls fancied me and didn't care about the personality.
Most people I know at university will have forgotten me couple of years after they leave.
I cut the image of the archetypal singleton, yet sometimes people assume I have a girlfriend somewhere, like I have the thumbprint without the girlfriend. I always thought I had that air of 'will die alone' about me.
I don't get noticed much yet still manage to annoy people, be easy to take the piss out of.
I kind of feel lonely.
That was longer than I wanted it to be

An update of sorts.

2004-11-26T07:05:00.000-08:00

I turned 22 on Wednesday.

I don't know how much a part of the blogging world I still am, seems to be dying off for now at least :(

Not Worth Reading

2004-10-25T05:13:00.000-07:00

I hate the rain.
It's cold and wet, and unfortunately I'm too heterosexual to carry an umbrella. My hair is dripping wet, which means I have to be careful not to drip onto my laptop, and it will dry all fuzzy; which means I will have to gel it again before I go out tonight... If I go out tonight.
I also hate stress. I'm on my laptop, in a cafe in uni, on wireless. Which is great. I'm supposed to be writing an essay, but instead I'm doing this, which much mean I'm bored. I've been very busy this past few weeks. If I'm not working I'm organising my life, if I'm not doing that then I've been invited out to one of many social occasions with some of many friends, most of whom do not know eachother. I'm tired and I can't get to sleep at night, I'm probably doing slightly better in some respects than I'm used to, but it's hectic and sometimes stressful being so damn popular... or is this a devious plan to get me so exhausted and run down that I blog again.
I've had plenty worth blogging about; I've had friends suggest to me when I tell them what I've been up to, to 'blog that'. But I'm too lazy to do what originally started out as something to do when I was too lazy to do anything else. In a few days, hopefully I'll blog a little anecdote or two, it's just a shame you've all missed out on so many good stories, like the time I walked past a window as a dog jumped against it, causing it to smash; or the spontaneous 17km walk; or the house party that has gone down in legend round this next of the woods.
Look out for when I do blog again then... because I will, and it might even be worth reading.

Misfits

2004-09-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged for a while. Since I back to Liverpool I have been so busy, I haven't had time to blog about it all. I was going to blog about some funny things that happened during my last week of work a couple of weeks ago, but I think that that ship has sailed; all I can say is biscuit budgets can lead to intensive inter-office flashpoints. I told someone once that biscuits play an important part in office dynamics, but I don't know whether she was listening.

Since I got back I've been trying to get my (massive) room sorted, it's taking shape now, I still need to put some pictures up and move stuff out of piles on the floor. I want my new room to be a bit more mature, rather than before where I had the walls completely covered by posters and the floors covered with paper, CDs and clothes. I do miss those student 'Salad Days' but I want to change now.

I've also been out a lot, last night was the first time I was in bed before 2pm. I'd been to comedy at the Student's Union, we didn't watch much comedy though. We spent the first two acts sat by the bar and only ventured to the back of the main room to watch the main act. It's not like it used to be, with tables, chairs and funny comedians. Being the first comedy club of the year there were hundreds of freshers sat on the floor of the room and the acts seemed a little immature. Instead we opted for the pleasure of being the only ones at the bar, with 4 of us and 15 barstaff waiting on us hand and foot.

As an aside the cupboard in the Kitchen collapsed this morning, breaking my Grolsch jug and some other stuff. Scouse Builder came round to fix it and just put the same screws back in, even though it clearly collapsed because they were far too small. If Cheerful builder is reading this get in touch, I may have a job for you.

Huntybollocks

2004-09-16T10:40:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things I think are wrong with the foxhunting debate...

The way New Labour keeps bringing it up to show how they're making progress as soon as they start to get criticised for not making progress on important reforms in more important fields like health and education.

The way pro-hunt campaigners like to talk about 'a country way of life' and automatically assume all people living in rural areas are behind them. I see some old aristocrat in his country manor saying (in a Q.C. Rowley accent). 'Well of course, there are the plebs who live on the land Great Granddaddy used to own, they'll support us'. Not many farmers I know of (admittedly I don't know any actual farmers in person) are too keen on having hunts stampeding across their fields at 6 in the morning.

The way this issue gets blown out of all proportion is because Labour love these little spin exercises, like I said, to make it look like they are doing something pro-active, when they aren't. To be honest I was sick of New Labour after about two years of it. Thinly disguised Neo-conservatives who patronise us by pretending they are all socialist still, the people who voted them in didn't expect this, and we don't fall for their lies and bravado. We just can't think of anyone who deserves our vote so we vote for the party in power as it seems to be the least disruptive way or putting a sanctimonious cad in charge of the country.

I think I'll vote Green but it makes little difference, and the big parties don't care about my vote anyway, because I am the 'White, English, Northern, Heterosexual, Male' I am the cause of all the world's trouble and I probably feel let down and trampled on.

I apologise for offering little in the way of answers, that is why I'm not a politician, if only some of the current shower thought the same way.

Not time yet to Call Off The Search.

2004-09-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

Looking at the number of comments for my last few blogs it seems that blogs about my personal life get noticed more than the anecdotal blogs which I keep saying are what my blog is supposed to be all about. So as I go back to Liverpool at the end of this week, I suppose I can keep you informed about my search to see if anyone is out there for me.

So I may come off as a little desperate, but I wouldn't go out with a girl who I didn't feel strongly about so I may be frustrated at my lack of a girlfriend, but who wouldn't be.
I am part of a select group of males who have never had a girlfriend or even the slightest bit of female attention before. Some call us losers, but I prefer romantically challenged. I would link to a blog of a mate's here, but he would be offended. So why does it bother me?

Well to be honest it never used to, before university, even for the first two years at uni, I was low on self-esteem, low enough to not notice. You see in my eyes I was so ugly, boring, and utterly repulsive that I didn't need to bother about girls, it would always just be a fantasy, as wild and wonderful as my fantasy of scoring the winning goal from 40 yards in the last minute of the world cup final.

Since then something has changed, maybe it's just maturity, but I don't think the previous things are true anymore, though I still have trouble coming to terms with what any girl could see in me. Strangely enough, one thing a girl can do that will depress me, is tell me I'm attractive, I'm getting quite used to this, probably just because I talk to more girls than I used to. No longer can I blame girls' lack of interest in me on ugliness, something that isn't my fault.

I'll stop now, I feel I'm getting too personal. You can see though that now I feel that there isn't anything keeping me from finding a girl, I become more fed up with my lack of success.

I'll keep you informed when I get back.

Yours, not wanting to look back at what he's just written.
Carlisle

Male, 21, Single seeks...

2004-09-12T08:18:00.000-07:00

Female with low standards.

for long walks, companionship, vibrant discussions late into the night, keeping me on the straight and narrow... and maybe... just maybe a little bit of sex.

Must have own breasts, love of football desirable but not necessary.

Will accept Rachel Stevens o.n.o. (Dido?)

Am I asking too much?
Do you think she's out there?

The musings of a temporary narcissist.

2004-09-08T11:36:00.000-07:00

10 not so interesting things about myself.

1) I'm part Italian/Scots Irish/Irish Catholic/Welsh/Cornish(?)/Arabic... and English.
2) I'm a qualified garde 3 football referee.
3) I've never had any injury worse than a sprained ankle.
4) I can wink with my left eye but not my right.
5) My birth certificate says I was born at 3am on the dot.
6) I am a member of Mensa... despite being a bit thick.
7) I've been interviewed outside a football match for a documentary on football.
8) I once had a 20 minute long conversation with Martin Keown.
9) I often only get 3 or 4 hours sleep a night.
10) I once downed 3 pints of Guiness in a minute without throwing up, and then had a further 8 and didn't have a hangover the next day.

In the meantime I'll think of something more worth writing.

Jo Blythe is a weathergirl.

2004-09-05T14:42:00.000-07:00

One thing that makes the bad weather worthwhile is Jo Blythe. How happy I was the day I came back home last summer to find she does the weather on Border TV as well as Granada. I don't mind if the weather's gonna be shit, so long as she lets me down gently ;) Sorry? what? No I have nothing else to say.

The Scally

2004-09-02T04:47:00.000-07:00

I've come home for my lunch today, just about to go back to work, but first...

On my way home I had to stop at the garage to get bread and a Whitehaven News. When I went in there was a feller in the queue ahead of me, he was mid-30s and judging by the shell suit, cap, and swagger, a scally. the following conversation took place.

Scally: You're clever you.
Me: Pardon?
Scally: Ah sed, yer quaht intelligent aren't yer?
Me: Huh?
Scally: Ah sed yer lucky ah never hit yer.

With that he walked out, and got into a car on the other side of the forecourt from where i'd parked. I've never seen him before in my life.

Isn't life random?

English Summer Rain

2004-08-25T13:58:00.000-07:00

For those of you unfortunate enough to live in the UK, the Placebo reference in the title says it all; and I need go no further into the whole miserable issue. However, extensive research on Haloscan reveals that I have readers from as far afield as King's Lynn, Australia, even countries that cannot be named. This blog is for you people... well maybe not if you're from King's Lynn, but Jonny probably spends too much time in the newly opened pub of his to notice the dissatisfactory meteorological conditions.
The weather in this country isn't that great, we have two seasons, cold rainy season and cool-ish rainy season. We usually get a few really nice weeks in Summer though, usually August; but not this year. To be honest I'm not sure if it's Spring that hasn't ended yet or Autumn that has already begun. I've been outside some days and It has been freezing, windy and rainy, all at once. I can't take any more!
We do have a habit of wittering on about the weather in this country, which is strange since we don't have a whole lot of it. Where in most countries the difference between summer and winter is the difference between putting up mosquito nets and putting chains on the wheels of your car, in Britain, it's whether or not to put a jacket on. (Unless you are a Geordie, in which case it's whether or not to put a t-shirt on... that's t-shirt goes on in summer). In America and on the continent you may have huge blizzards and heatwaves, we have none of the sort. In fact the weather and Britain can be summed up in one sentence that is repeated every day on the weather forecast and hardly ever wrong. The secret is...
'Sunny spells with scattered showers'
Except for the occasional day that's entirely sunny or rainy, or the even more occasional snowfall, that's all you need.

Nice to blog again after a bit of a break... had this one brewing up for a while... all 'summer' in fact.
Expect the next 10 days to bring funny spells with scattered bad jokes.

Carlisle

The Tube-Light Zone

2004-08-15T08:13:00.000-07:00

About a week and a half ago I went to the garage to get something. I hadn't been back since, but noticed a couple of days ago, when returning to the house late at night, that I had left the light on as I could see shafts of light shining throughthe holes in the garage door. I don't know why; maybe it's a British thing, but hardly anyone I know actually uses their garage as a storer of car, said car just lives on the drive, said garage exists purely as a storer of junk; more specifically outdoorsy junk, as opposed to indoorsy junk which is in the attic.
Today, one of my mates wanted to know if I wanted to go for a game of football, but also if I had a pump as the ball was a bit flat and he didn't have one. I went to the garage to look for one and was immediately aghast with the image that presented itself to me.
In the time that the garage had been left, a vast colony of moths , flies and cobwebs had grown up around the fluorescent tube light; indeed I got covered in cobweb and had to go back and get it out of my mouth and hair before reventuring. I turned the light off and waited for the mass exodus of wing-ed (pronounced at it's written) beasts in a vaguely 'The Mummy' kind of way, but what I saw when I returned was more 'Twilight Zone' only with moths instead of worms. The ceiling was covered in black spots waiting for the return of the light to reanimate them.
I'll leave this for now, see if they're still there when my folks get back.
This has been the second 'me vs nature' blog, see the Mole Report for more hilarity (sic), when I can be arsed reposting my pre-maintenance stuff.

A brief update

2004-08-10T11:04:00.000-07:00

Big Cheese's passport was found after he dropped his family off at the airport (nearest airport is 100 miles away, bet that was a fun journey). It was found in his shirt pocket at the dry-cleaners. He flew out on Saturday. He was also in such a good mood that he stopped at PC World and bought the office a colour printer.

He's got a ticket to ride... but no passport

2004-08-05T15:01:00.000-07:00

Things in the office were a little more lively than usual today when it was revealed that
Big Cheese had lost his passport. He was supposed to have been jetting off to Spain for two
weeks holiday tomorrow morning but as of writing he has 15 and a half hours to find it or
he'll not be going. He is currently in a meeting.

Actually I've just this second taken a call from his wife; she didn't leave a message but
the tension is unbearable.

He had a meeting this morning, after which he said he was going to try and do something
about the passport situation. He was gone for most of the day and eventually arrived back
looking a little less than cheerful.

He's no chance of getting a new one in time as the nearest passport office is in Glasgow and
you need to book appointments in advance. There was a time when emergency passports could be got, but that was before EU beaurocracy took hold. He could travel by road, because, as a
matter of fact, you shouldn't even need a passport to travel by road and ferry within the EU
, but as per usual France and Germany are exempt from EU rules and would never let a Brit
through without a passport.

Big Cheese however, wasn't the person most bothered by the possibility of missing out on his
holiday. Stressed Colleague was asked to deputise for him on a business trip to the sunny
Channel Islands, he wanted Secretary to quit all her work to ratch round Big Cheese's office
and look for it. Also, no-one was especially keen on the idea of spending a fortnight with a
grumpy Big Cheese, he is grumpy enough at the moment as it is without being stuck at home on
his own, with his family off having fun without him.

Hot off the press, his wife was just ringing to see if he'd found it.

I'll let you know tomorrow whether he turns up in the morning.

Hope he doesn't try anything foolish with salmon this week.

O.F.F.S.

2004-08-04T16:02:00.000-07:00

It's past midnight and i've had a hellish week. It all started on Sunday morning. I woke up in my car in the passsenger's seat, slumped over the gearstick. I was soaking wet was clutching page 3 of the Sun. Last thing I remembered was being with my mates on the beach where we were camping for one of their birthdays. We had a campfire going and I was drinking gin, I'd had some whisky by this point, but I can't remember drinking half the bottle!
Also my phone was ruinied, thus I lost recently acquired phone numbers that weren't on the SIM card.
I've been bored with work all week. Feeling miserable and insecure.
And what's more, there is salmon everywhere!

Braving The Domestic Jungle

2004-07-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

My family are going on holiday to Egypt next week.
My Mum has been advising me how get by without her for the past month or so. By my calculations it should take her approximately 5 hours to repeat all of this advice just before she leaves. It is just as well they are travelling to the airport the day before.
She gives essential advice such as 'set your alarm clock before you go to bed' and 'remember to wash your clothes'. If she'd given me such nuggets of information three years ago, as I was about to go to university I mightn't have missed every single lecture, and I wouldn't smell so bad.
You know 100% of all household accidents happen in the home. It's a dangerous place, someone should write a survival book, preferably my Mum. That way I won't accidentaly get crushed beneath the sofa while changing a lightbulb; or have one of those accidents with vaccuum cleaners that hospitalise so many people in these enlightened times. I think my family's survival is more likely to be brought into question.
There is a survival guide out for foreign travel though, in the form of a travel book by Dorling Kindersley. I have been reading their guide to Egypt. This is important in case I need to jet off to find her should something happen, like a knock at the door, or the washing machine reaching the end of its spin cycle.
I'll leave you with what must be her most valued piece of advice, that she has given me three times this last two weeks. 'You can have salmon, but don't take salmon sandwiches in to work, or you'll get salmon everywhere'.
I can almost hear the collective sighs of relief; my Mum has saved every one of you from a salmon mess.
CT.

Like a lawn... this blog is well maintained

2004-07-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

After some essential maintenance, my blog is back, with a new look (though I WILL get round to making my own template). I have new content on it's way and some previous content is being edited. It may take a while to get all the old content back though so if you have a favourite 'vintage postage' you would like to see again you'll have to bear with me.

yours

Carlisle

As I was driving towards work!

2004-07-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

This morning I had a near death experience, fortunately It wasn't my death that was near. I was driving to work, same as every morning along the Loop Road that bypasses Whitehaven town centre, around Midgey (I don't know why I feel compelled to use place names when none of you know them). There was a group of teenagers waiting to cross the road (heading in the opposite direction to the schools I might add). Three of them darted across the road as I approached, but another, left behind looked like he might cross but saw me coming and held back.I'm wondering what I'll do next week, I'm taking the week off work and going to Liverpool to start moving in to my new house. I also intend to take her somewhere nice, and I mean really...OH SHIT!! The little bastard ran out in front of me!So I slam on the brakes as the little cretin in the road swerves his body to avoid the front of my car and carrys on running to join his mates who are probably cheering. I blow my horn and set off again. Fortunately there was no-one behind me.I was a little shaken and immediately was in no doubt that the little turd did it on purpose. I shouldn't have stopped, I should've just flattened the little cu********cks, it would've been his fault, I would've satisfactorily vented my anger and what's more I'd have got a day off work. It's a good job... no... It's a shame I wasn't running late as I usually am or I'd have been doing 50 (mph in the UK) on that strectch of road and the little Nazi would have been hedgehogged. I've vented my anger at old people before so this is me ranting about teenagers, basically I only like twenty or thirty somethings. Funny cos my behaviour usually falls either side of that range. At lunchtime I was visiting my old school to see off a retiring teacher who had acquired the status of legend in his 23 years at the school. I noticed how many of the teachers were around my age, also as I was leaving I'm sure I heard a pupil say to his mates. 'Isn't that that new I.T. teacher?' OK I'm hardly trendy but do I honestly look like an I.T. teacher? Maybe I'll just go back and get him in a revenge killing.CT No little shits were harmed during the making of this blog. But they should have been.

Migraine

2004-07-08T20:34:00.000-07:00

You know when you put something off, and the longer you put it off the less likely it is that you'll ever get round to doing it. That's why I haven't blogged for a week. I know I've gone half a month before without updating, but I supposed to have changed. Mainly becuase, as with this entry, I write my blogs offline, at work. I've been unwell, on the train back from Liverpool, somewhere around Bolton, I began to feel a little knackered. I had a busy weekend, staying two nights in a friend's attic and most of each day walking around the city finding things to do. Travelling out as far as Smithdown Road in search of good food and fine women... Our second 'date' (I hate that word) was in the Asda cafe and not the north african cafe I picked out. The Fountain cafe has many advantages over the supermarket in terms to romantic atmosphere and good food. Asda however had one major quality in its favour... It was open. One day I'll get this 'picking a nice place' thing right.It may have also been something to do with the late nights and alcohol too, but I didn't actually drink that much. It may also be to do with the fact that no-one is reading my blog it seems these days.So by the time I got home I had all the symptoms of flu. I didn't go to work on Monday though improved enough to go in on Tuesday. I still have a sore throat. Fortunately the week that you missed has been about as exciting as a Greece/Portugal cup final. Haven't seen any of my mates since the Saturday before. It's early in the day so I'll come back later with an anecdote, if there is one to be found.I now have a migraine, which isn't very anecdotal, neither is it conducive to good writing. I'll return again... At this point I just get up from my desk and walk out of the office for fresh air to clear my head, and to take a photo to send as a picture message. I can do random stuff like this.I think I may be having one of these so called 'quarter life crises'. I wouldn't say I feel depressed, more stressed, with the impending feeling I need to so something major in the near future. I feel anxious that a quarter of my life has gone and I haven't anything to show for it. I haven't even matured as an adult. I mean a quarter of my life; I get anxious if a quarter of an hour goes by without me having anything to show for it.

The Mole Report

2004-07-01T17:05:00.000-07:00

I think I saved a mole today.I was out on the site at work. 'The Site' is a massive extension to the science park where I work, and my company is involved in the project. This was like the first time I had been back since last summer and putting on the hard hat and high visibility vest brought over me a wave of nostalgia for my more boring previous life. It had changed a lot, there were roads and landscaping. There was also a cycle path running through the landscaping, which is very nice, and quite secluded considering it's smack bang in the middle of an earthworks site. It was somehow nice though to return to the place where I'd spent a lot of time last summer and think how much my life has changed too. I was daydreaming about this as I walked back along the cyclepath towards the office, and then there it was!A dead mole, laying by the side of a path... dead! With lightning quick reactions I deduced that 'Something had obviously killed it!' It had a hole in it, which was disgusting, clearly moved by the grisly scene I carried on walking for a bit. It was then that I saw the prime suspect standing on the path, eyes transfixed a molehill. The predator caught sight of me, which wasn't difficult. I don't think he was used to large fluorescent bipedal animals interrupting his macabre activities. He froze and glared menacingly at me. Rather than just walk on and ignore him I couldn't resist freezing myself and glaring back. This action packed altercation between the mole murderer and I lasted for nearly five whole seconds. Then I broke the deadlock and lunged a foot in his direction. Startled he leaped back into the long grass and stared at me for a moment more. I moved towards him and he scaled the fence into a neighbouring building site and disappeared.Somewhere beneath my feet was a mole thanking the mole-god for sending me, or being crushed by my weight on top of it's hill. Either way I think it was better off for my existence.Well that makes one thing that is.